Don’t Let Sex Ruin Your Life - Revisited 2010

Note: This is an update to a column I wrote for the Texas A&M University student newspaper, The Battalion, originally published Thursday, April 9, 1987 on the inside front page. It seemed like the only day the students actually read the editorials. It's been over 23 years since I wrote the original; I'd been living with HIV for six months by then. With thirty years of AIDS rapidly approaching, the message hasn't changed much, just perspective.




Good. Now that I have your attention, it's time to talk about a very grave matter – quite literally. By now you have all heard of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, or AIDS. You know basically what it is, what it does and how it is spread. But do you know how to avoid it?

You may be saying, "What, me worry? I'm not gay, and I don't use needles, so I won't get it." Wrong. A common misconception is that you must be in a high-risk group to get AIDS. While the gay community was the first and hardest hit in America, it is not and never was a “gay disease.”

If you are having sex, regardless of who you are with, you are in a high-risk group. It's as simple as that. While gay men are no longer the fastest-growing group of new HIV infections, it doesn’t mean our community isn’t still hurting.

Gay youth are a rapidly increasing category. This is due mainly to lack of education about having "safe sex." Primarily, if there is sexual health education in the public schools, it’s limited to abstinence before marriage - meaning heterosexual marriage, of course.

AIDS is caused by the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), which is spread through the exchange of body fluids such as blood, semen, vaginal secretions and breast milk. Non-infectious fluids are saliva, tears, sweat, urine and feces. And no, despite what you may have heard from Donny Darko, feces are not baby mice.



HIV does not discriminate about who it infects. It doesn’t care about your sex, age, sexual orientation or shoe size. You are at risk unless you follow safe sex practices. This primarily means you should USE A CONDOM. No, Dr. Ruth hasn't taken over this column. If you aren't going to follow Reagan's advice (as mimicked by George W. Bush) – complete abstinence from sex – then a condom is necessary equipment.

"Why?" you ask. Remember Mom's wise words, "Don't touch that, you don't know where it's been." Can you be certain that whoever you're in bed with is healthy? Sure, he said you were his first as he threw the feather boa on the bed. Or maybe he told you that he's been saving himself for just the right man. You can trust them, can't you?

NO. Absolutely not. It has been said that nowadays when you take someone to bed, you're also sleeping with everyone they've had sex with. Ever. And vice versa. How can you be sure that you haven't been exposed already?

Many places in Texas perform blood or oral swab tests for the HIV antibody. This is not a test for HIV or AIDS. It can only detect the presence of antibodies that indicate infection from the virus sometime in the past. You need to be aware that it can take six weeks to six months for those antibodies to develop. If you may have been exposed, it’s not going to show up the next day. Testing negative doesn’t mean you definitively are, unless it’s been at least six weeks since your last sexual contact.

Of course a positive result does not mean you have or will contract AIDS. In fact, with early detection and treatment, you can live for a long time without ever developing AIDS-related symptoms. The darkest days of this storm are behind us –people are living much longer – but complacency and poor prevention education may herald the thundering return as infection rates continue to rise unabated.

To find a testing location near you, just go to http://www.hivtest.org/ and enter the zip code. There may be others (listed under LABORATORIES, MEDICAL in the phone book), but I’d recommend using those listed online.

The question now is, how do you talk to a potential sex partner about practicing safe sex? What if it scares them away? Or if they tell you not to worry about it, what should you do? First, you should ask yourself, "is sleeping with him really worth dying?" If your answer is "yes," you had better start digging. This isn’t Romeo and Julio.

The best way to handle the situation is to simply express your concern about HIV/AIDS, and discuss the ways to decrease your chances of contracting it, i.e., safe sex. Remember, both of you must follow the safe sex guidelines if they are to do any good. Don't let your partner convince you not to bother "just this once." This is your health they are risking, and possibly even their own.

Many people believe that talking about AIDS or using a condom takes the romance out of love-making. Yes, perhaps it does a little, but how romantic is the tale of the man who killed his partner with his love? Actually, safe sex need not detract from the romance. The general rule is to use your imagination, as long as you keep your fluids to yourself. I know, mommy always told you to share, but there are limits after you reach puberty. Sorry. We can’t be children forever. Well, maybe Michael Jackson can…

Just what is safe? Basically, there are four categories of safety. "Safe" sex includes dry kissing, mutual masturbation, oral sex with a condom, massage and fantasy. Vaginal and anal intercourse with a condom are "possibly safe." Sorry about dropping the V-bomb, boys, but there may be bisexual men reading this. Stop clutching the pearls and read on.

Those practices classed as "risky" include oral sex without a condom (aka barebacking), cunnilingus, and use of drugs or alcohol. Drugs and alcohol decrease judgement ability and also lower your immune system defenses. Unprotected vaginal or anal sex, intravenous drugs, sharing needles and rimming are considered "dangerous" and should be avoided.

Some numbers you can call for more information on AIDS and safe sex are:

• CDC National AIDS Hotline (Recording) 800-342-AIDS


• National AIDS Hotline (Live Operators): 800-447-AIDS

Despite the occasional jokes, this is a serious subject. You should not only learn safe sex, but use it. You may think, "I can't change my habits." You can, and you had better. All it takes is one night to ruin the rest of your life. Protect yourself – and the one you're with. Play it safe and live.

If you do test positive, don’t panic. There are many resources for counseling, support (individual or groups), medical assistance and more. The testing sites should be able to provide you with information for your region. You aren’t alone. Don’t isolate yourself from those who are there to help.



Remember, there is still no cure. No “morning-after” pill. But think on this: I’ve been living with HIV since September 1986. I was diagnosed with AIDS in November 1999. I’ve never been sick from this disease in twenty-four years of being positive. Nobody can give you hope, because that’s something we have to search for within ourselves. Perhaps my advice may help you find what you are needing.

Back to the Basics

It's been over 28 years since the first AIDS cases hit America. HIV infections in this country continue to rise. Nationwide, black men and women represent the greatest rate of increase in new infections, yet here in Austin, Texas that is currently held by young gay men 24 years old and younger.

With Texas being a deep red state, and our Governor, George W. Bush II (oops, that's Rick Perry), standing firm on so-called "Christian" values by not allowing proper sex education to be taught to the children of this state, things can only get worse.

Me and a few others have been tossing around an idea of late. We are planning to start an Austin area HIV Speakers Bureau. It will be comprised of men and women living openly with HIV/AIDS who want to put faces on this disease. By being honest about our status, we hope to educate, raise awareness, encourage safer sex, put out a message of prevention while also standing up to the stigma which has surrounded this illness from the beginning.

We already have a heterosexual man who was infected through a cut in his hand while rescuing an HIV-positive woman from a car accident. Soon we will start recruiting a diverse group of people to join us.

In advance of our actually going forward, a preliminary website has been built. Feel free to visit and bookmark it, especially if you are in the Austin, Texas area. We hope to have a good group of speakers who can talk at public schools, colleges & universities, businesses, community events and more.

http://austin-hiv-speakers.us/

Ignorance is Not Justice

When I read the news item below out of Dallas, it made me very angry. How is it that after 27 years of HIV/AIDS, ignorance is still so prevalent? That fear (which is the source of most ignorance) is allowed to drive people to make rash judgments.

Read the article for my factual argument below.

HIV-positive man sentenced 35 years for spitting at officer


Thu May 15, 6:32 AM ET

DALLAS - An HIV-positive man convicted of spitting into the eye and mouth of a Dallas police officer has been sentenced to 35 years in prison.

Because a jury found that Willie Campbell used his saliva as a deadly weapon, the 42-year-old will have to serve half his sentence before becoming eligible for parole. He was sentenced Wednesday.

Campbell was being arrested in May 2006 for public intoxication when he began resisting and kicking inside the patrol car, Dallas police office Dan Waller testified.

Campbell was convicted of harassment of a public servant.


It is a well-known fact that HIV is not transmitted by saliva. Thus, the officer's life or health were never in danger, thus Mr. Campbell's saliva was not "a deadly weapon."

Which body fluids transmit HIV?


These body fluids have been shown to contain high concentrations of HIV:

blood
semen
vaginal fluid
breast milk
other body fluids containing blood

The following are additional body fluids that may transmit the virus that health care workers may come into contact with:
fluid surrounding the brain and the spinal cord
fluid surrounding bone joints
fluid surrounding an unborn baby

HIV has been found in the saliva and tears of some persons living with HIV, but in very low quantities. It is important to understand that finding a small amount of HIV in a body fluid does not necessarily mean that HIV can be transmittedby that body fluid. HIV has not been recovered from the sweat of HIV-infected persons. Contact with saliva, tears, or sweat has never been shown to result in transmission of HIV.


I am going to try and get ACLU and other rights organizations to fight for Mr. Cambpell's sentence to reduced to jail time only for a month or two. Not this fear and ignorance-driven sentence. When people are put in prison for 40 years on murder charges, this is shameful and discriminatory.

I'm ashamed that this happened in my state. Or in my country. Almost three decades after this disease was discovered, and the pandemic of ignorance rages on.

Don't Let Sex Ruin Your Life

Good. Now that I have your attention, it's time to talk about a very grave matter--literally. By now you have all heard of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS). You know basically what it is, what it does and how it is spread. But do you know how to avoid it?

You may be saying, "What, me worry? I'm not gay, and I don't use needles, so I won't get it." Wrong. A common misconception is that you must be in a high-risk group to get AIDS. If you are having sex, regardless of who you are with, you are in a high-risk group. It's as simple as that. [While the number of cases of gay males with AIDS is higher than the number of heterosexuals with the disease--males and females--heterosexual cases rapidly are increasing.] This is due mainly to lack of education about having "safe sex."

AIDS is caused by the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), which is spread through the exchange of body fluids such as blood, semen, urine and possibly saliva. It does not discriminate about who it affects. No matter your sex, age, sexual orientation or shoe size, you are at risk unless you follow safe sex practices. This primarily means you should USE A CONDOM. No, Dr. Ruth hasn't taken over The Battalion. If you aren't going to follow Reagan's advice--complete abstinence from sex--then a condom is necessary equipment.

"Why?" you ask. Remember Mom's wise words, "Don't touch that, you don't know where it's been." Can you be certain that whoever you're in bed with is healthy? Sure, she said you were her first as she threw off the feather boa. Or maybe he told you that he's been saving himself for just the right girl. You can trust them, can't you? No. It has been said that nowadays when you take someone to bed, you're also sleeping with everyone they've had sex with in the past five years. And vice versa. How can you be sure that you haven't been exposed already?

Many places in the Bryan-College Station area perform blood tests for the HIV antibody. This is not a test for AIDS. It can only detect the presence of antibodies that indicate infection from the virus sometime in the past. A positive result does not mean you have or will contract AIDS.

Some of the labs that offer these tests are:
[list of labs removed since outdated.]

The question now is, how do you talk to a potential sleeping partner about practicing safe sex? What if it scare them away? Or if they tell you not to worry about it, what should you do? First, you should ask yourself, "is sleeping with him or her really worth dying?" If your answer is "yes," you had better start digging.

The best way to handle the situation is to simply express your concern about AIDS, and discuss the ways to decrease your chances of contracting it, i.e.--safe sex. Remember, you must both follow the safe sex guidelines if they are to do any good. Don't let your partner convince you not to bother "just this once." This is your health they are risking, and possibly even their own.

Many people believe that talking about AIDS or using a condom takes the romance out of love-making. Yes, perhaps it does a little, but how romantic is the tale of the man who killed his lady with his love? Actually, safe sex need not detract from the romance. The general rule is to use your imagination, as long as you keep your fluids to yourself.

Just what is safe? Basically, there are four categories of safety. "Safe" sex includes dry kissing, mutual masturbation, oral sex with a condom, massage and fantasy. Vaginal and anal intercourse with a condom are "possibly safe."

Those practices classed as "risky" include oral sex without a condom, cunnilingus, wet kissing, and use of drugs or alcohol. Drugs and alcohol decrease judgement ability and also lower your immune system defenses. Unprotected vaginal or anal sex, intravenous drugs, sharing needles and rimming are considered "dangerous" and should be avoided.

Some numbers you can call for more information on AIDS and safe sex are:
National AIDS Hotline 1-800-342-AIDS (4-minute recording);
1-800-447-AIDS (Live Operators);
KS/AIDS Foundation, 1-713-523-AIDS (Houston);

Despite the occasional jokes, this is a serious subject. You should not only learn safe sex, but use it. You may think, "I can't change my habits." You can, and you had better. All it takes is one night to ruin the rest of your life. Protect yourself--and the one you're with. Play it safe and live.