Thirty Years

As the chair of the HIV Speakers Bureau, I tell people that we are going “old school” by having speakers living openly with HIV tell their stories. In using that term I am referring to those in the early days of this disease who spoke to Congress (such as Michael Callen, Roger Lyon and Anthony Ferrara in 1983/1984) or at public schools (Pedro Zamara 1990-1993). Pedro also lived out his life as an openly-positive gay man on MTV’s The Real World San Francisco in 1993-94.

These people knew that until one faces this issue head-on, with honesty and without deceit, the stigma will continue to grow and with it fear and ignorance.

But as I thought of the way things were, a new realization came to me.

The first medical cases which would ultimately be the first indicators of AIDS in America were identified in May/June of 1981. I was fifteen years old at the time, just finished with my sophomore year of high school. Next year will be thirty years of AIDS.

It’s actually many more years, as the understanding that there could be a very long incubation period before major symptoms appeared, but also discoveries of stored blood samples from 1959. But 1981 was when the world first became aware of this disease.

Some thoughts on how far things haven’t come in thirty years…

Thirty years… and there is still no cure.
Thirty years… and there’s no viable vaccine.
Thirty years… and there are still people who believe AIDS is a gay disease.
Thirty years… and the stigma born alongside AIDS lingers on.
Thirty years… and there’s only one generic form of an HIV medication.
Thirty years… and the meds can still cause dangerous side effect.
Thirty years… and the rate of infection is climbing again, especially among youth, more especially among gay youth.
Thirty years… and there are no regular HIV+ characters on television.
Thirty years… and the red ribbons have disappeared from awards shows.
Thirty years… and people are still dying from AIDS - even in America.
Thirty years… and the cost of medication has not gone down.
Thirty years… and there hasn’t been one apology for not doing enough in the early years.
Thirty years… and some politicians still believe people with HIV/AIDS should be quarantined.
Thirty years… and the names of those who first spoke out about this disease have been lost to the winds.
Thirty years… and funding for research has not advanced.
Thirty years… and the money for support services has not kept up with the need.
Thirty years… and the churches are still preaching abstinence and ignoring protection, despite all research proving that abstinence programs are a failure.
Thirty years… and the churches have not apologized for turning their backs on those in need.
Thirty years… and those of us living with HIV have no voice, no say, no control.
Thirty years… and the blame game and finger pointing continues.
Thirty years… and we still don’t know how it all began.
Thirty years… and the only real winners are the pharmaceutical companies, profiteering off this illness…

There are more items which should be on this list. It’s just too heartbreaking to think of them all right now. As somebody who witnessed AIDS from the beginning, and contracted HIV five years into this now-pandemic, I’ve seen all the above and more.

How I hope that next year, the list hasn’t grown longer. How I wish that in thirty more years, AIDS and HIV are things of the past. This disease hasn’t taken me after nearly twenty-four years. I won’t die of AIDS, but I just might die of frustration as I count off the years behind.