PWA Campout

This is a flyer for the PWA (Persons with AIDS) Campout held twice a year at a private campground near Cameron, Texas.

Clicking the thumbnail will download the PDF file, which can be printed or shared with other gay men living with HIV/AIDS who might be interested in coming to the campout.

 

 

 

These are some photos from past campouts.

 

 

[meteor_slideshow slideshow="pwa-campout"]

Dating in the Modern World

Why finding a relationship seems more difficult these days

As every day passes, we as members of the gay community find ourselves at the center of a political and social conflict which seems to be tearing the nation and our lives apart. A fight we never asked for, but one we feel obligated to participate in — or avoid. It's our lives, after all. Who are they to tell us how to live? Who are they to tell us who we can love? Who are they to tell us that beige goes with everything?

It seems a distraction at times. The fight takes a great deal out of us, and so we feel rushed to find anybody to stand at our side in the battle for truth, justice and the GAYmerican way. As long as they fit our excessively strict criteria, of course.

If the queer community, in all its various and diverse facets, comprises an estimated ten percent of the world's population, finding a match is certainly more difficult for us than it is for the heterosexual horde. They have nine times more chances at love than we do. Britney has seven more to go. Liz has one or two, depending on how you do the math. Condi Rice has a lot of catching up to do; her dance card is quite empty. Unlike the Carpenters, she hasn't even 'just begun.'

But there are other factors affecting our ability to find "the One." Turning thirty or even forty is certainly an obstacle (in our community especially), but more dreaded — believe it or not — is HIV. It is far harder for somebody who has tested positive to know where they fit into our relatively small niche in the universe. It can isolate you to the point that you believe you will never date again.

I know. I felt that way myself.

But in the course of more than twenty years living with this, I've learned a few things. I realized that stigma begins within ourselves, and only we can end it. It's easy to allow others to humiliate and ostracize us and make us feel ashamed of ourselves when we accept it from them. Far too easy. The pain and fear of rejection just adds to our lowered self-esteem.

Now, ask yourself: was I talking about being HIV+, or being gay?

Sometimes, you must put yourself in the place of the other person to see things from a new perspective. A person living with HIV/AIDS is no less human than you, and you are no less human than a straight person. Which means, believe it or not, a straight person is no less human than you, though you are allowed to question their concept of taste, especially in clothing and what they call 'dancing.' You may even question the humanity of some. Falwell, Robertson, Rove and Phelps come to mind…

Now, to answer your previous query (or was that mine?). I came out and became positive within weeks of each other twenty-one years ago at the age of twenty-one. It had taken me so long to come out to myself because I was letting others stigmatize me. When I tested positive, I had already learned the lesson, and refuse to this day to let the words of others knock me down. That playground proverb, "I'm rubber, you're glue," has a moral that is effective even for adults.

What does all this have to do with dating? My point is that we often set standards so high that even we would not pass muster, peering through the eye of a needle wondering why nobody can get through to us. We limit our field of view to only the pretty people, thinking the plain are beneath our notice. I have found more value in the mundane than in the plastic unreality in which most of us seem to live.

Must be fit, hung, masculine, muscular, neg, blond, butch, slender, young… the list goes on. And that’s just the woman… Okay, maybe not.

The harshest are six simple characters: DDF UB2. Not sure if there’s more offense in the apparent ignorance of the “DDF”, the seeming lack of intent to play safe, or in the fact that people can’t spell out the words. You aren’t paying per character; if you’re going to discriminate, at least be intelligent enough to write it in plain English.

How would you feel if no one could see past the battle scars of your life, failed to notice who you really are? Or only saw the plastic we wrap ourselves in and passed you by as nothing special, just another piece of meat in a zippered bag?

Remember the words of Shakespeare: "To thine own self be true." If we are to find our perfect match, we must first know ourselves. Know our imperfections, and thus overlook them in our potential mates. See what others see in us, and refuse to return the disservice of judging the book by the beige cover. Abandon your plastic façades, and embrace the real you. Just don't do it in public; it creeps people out. Could even get you arrested in some states.

Who knows? Maybe your knight in shining armoire, or your damsel dyke on a bike is closer than you think. Look again with your eyes wide open, and let the new world dawn. It's only over when you give up, and when you stop trying so damn hard to find perfection.

We are, none of us, perfect. Well, none of you are at least.

Hmm. Maybe it’s time I start taking my own advice…